I was the abuser and the abused aswell

by Chris
(Colorado morgan)

My name is Chris! I met my ex wife when I was 15 years old.soon after we were going out. She got pregnant,and I will alway regret that we aborted our first baby.She had a 6 month old son.And when her mom found out that day of the abortion,her mom kicked her and her baby son.So I asked my abusive step dad if she could move in with us.I then droped out of high school and stated working to pay rent.We would argue and I would not want to yell and scream.Looking back now I handled it wrong by walking away from her,because that would hurt her feelings.But yelling and screaming wouldnt be good ether.Them that where we would beat each other up emotionaly and mentaly.And I would say mean things as well as her and she would end up hitting me.And then I would walk away for a while to let it cool off.I will never forget when she got mad and locked me out of my moms and step dads house,I tryed opening the sliding class door and she tried stabbing me with a bucther knife.I made her drop it and she left for a while.Then we would make up and go on with our relationship.Then She got pregnet again and we had our son.He is doing good he is 22 and gradutuated collage to and in a relationship.I remeber our son was about 3 and I had to go pick up my pay check from work and I woke up in a bad mood that day,so I asked her to stay home because I was in a bad mood.her and my son,he was in his car seat and I was driving and we started to argue and since I was in a bad mood I made her mad enough to start hitting me in the face while I was driving.I grabed her wrist to stop her from hitting me.I pooled over and got out and started walking.She called 911 and I got arested for third degree assalt.Because I made her writ red from stopping her from hitting me.I had to spend the night in jail.She bailed me out the next day.And found out later on that she told me that she was raped by her babys dad in our appartment.Why was he even their any way?I had to do 36 classes of dv and probation.Finished that and things were better after that for about 12 13 years and I was working 2 jobs and we were building our familys foundation.Then the fighting started again.I had 2 good jobs And We got in over our heads with all the things we bought.She also has a great job.I would get kicked out and had to sleep in my truck I remember I had to go to work all week in the same close.I hope Im not making this sound like its all her fault?I need to say it was my fault as well.I stopped healing from my child hood abuse as well as both of our abuse.SHE WOULD hit our daughter that was !^ at the time.I Ended up picking our daughter up because we were seperated at the time> i tryed telling her that just till they can cool down because I dont beleive in hitting our kids.any way she put a restraing order on me and she sent her brother over to get our daughter and we got in a fight.i didnt want him to take her because when she went over to spend the night and he was in charge our daughter got drunk and did some kind of drugs.My wife had to take our daughter to the ER PICKED HER UP FROM SCHOOL and called me at work and i rushed up to th ER and by the time I got there my wife was so angry because they had to wait for so long.So we left and went home.any way after @# years of abusive marriage we got divorced and i drank a lot because i felt like a failier and didnt want to go on with life.i violated protetion orders when she would call me and I would talk to her and I would make her mad and SHE WOULD CALL THE POLICE and I would get thrown in jail time and time.And my drinking got me there to.And I dated but did work Because I didnt feel anything for them I did love my wife.We shuold have held each other tight and work our abusive behaiver out together.I believe When both are abusive that where you both as a couple need to work on the problem.I was divorced for about 2 years when I met my beautiful she is so wonderful.We would talk on the phone all the time,every chance we got to.I dont know if I will ever find that again? I pray that I get another chance with her.When I met her it was so romantic,But as I fell in true love,thats one of the things she showed me.We had the most romantic days nights dancing and going places almost every where with each other.And I stop my recovery and started drinking and had to much to deal with.Like my taxes,my big time bankrupcy.We got together at the wrong time.I have learned You have to end the last chapter before you start another one.Be cause a week before I went to jail again,we were in Church and the priest said God will bring you all the way back untill you choose the right road.That made me think that I would in up in jail again?And a week later I called 911 and we wernt even really arguing to much.Any time we would argue it would be my drinking.I was so so blind.Until I spent 3 months in jail and read my Bible and So upset I violated the protction order 56 times and wrote a letter to my daughter and the words I wrote I picked up 2 more cases.I was thinking I needed rehab?And as I walked and was hurting because I cant handle jail.I know now it was the best thing that has happend to me.I Want to help heel wounded women and men to.I Know my beautiful I would see the pain in her eyes,she would never cry.And I asked her why and she got angery at me.So she hides her hurting with anger and I would get angry at my self because I didnt know how to help her heal.I owe her everything She taught me so much,and I hope I get another chance to heal with her together.She is in my heart and soul.She is my insperation to help and not for get I will not ever stop trying to heal myself and help others.And I think if We all stand up together and help each other heal.Will Really make me feel so good inside.I will finaly Feel good about myself,instead of self distruting myself.And finaly I believe if our love is ment to be we will find us together again forever? And if it wasnt I wish her the very best because she deserves the very best.And I also know I am on the right road now.I hurt for lossing a very speical women,But I feel good inside again,Im sorry that it took me so long to see the light.But some things have to happen to you before you wake up and love another day.And I also hope my ex wife gets the best to,But you first have to see it in front of you.I hope my life story and change helps and inspires at least one.Remember 1 act of random kindness at a time.God bless and lets all get involved and fix all of our problems.